When my husband started fulfilling the role of a pastor, our first church was in Colorado. Living in Colorado had been a dream of ours for many years. My husband was born there, and some of his family still lived in the state. Mitch was close to a member of his family, and we had hoped to someday live closer to them. It seemed like answered prayer when we sensed the Lord leading us to start a church in Colorado. We were so excited to be finally heading to the Rocky Mountains, and moving closer to our precious family.
We moved to Colorado in 1996, and began a small Bible study, which later grew into a church. It was during the first two years of our time there, that God taught me another painful, yet valuable lesson. It is sad to me that it had to come in the way that it did, but nevertheless, I am so thankful for what the Lord taught us during this time. My honey was the one who has borne most of the pain, and has "lost" someone very dear to his heart. This post isn't about his story, but mine, and so I will say here, right now, that I have an awesome man of God for a mate.....he never once, ever stopped loving His Lord, or serving Him. My honey learned first hand what it means to "give up" his life, and family for God's purposes.
We moved to Colorado with such high hopes, and dreams. Both Mitch, and I were willing to do what ever needed doing, so that we could serve the Lord, and the people that would be coming to our fellowship, and we were so excited to be able to live in a town that was only an hour away from our close family members.
Our troubles started soon after arriving. We had a couple that started to attend that had some ideas of how they thought church should go, and so they fought us at every turn. As we would go through some of these times, I would share my heart with our a family member, and ask for prayer and guidance. I should have known that something wasn't right, because I would get counsel that wasn't sound, or very encouraging. What I would get was something like, "Mitch isn't a pastor, or people would not be negative about him, and they would be more supportive of the church." We would be subtly asked to do family activities on Sundays, or we would be told that God wants "families to be first, before ministry." It seemed that each time we were together, and we would mention the fellowship, or what the Lord was doing with us, we would be met with silence, or with the subject being changed.
One time I remember being told that I should encourage Mitch to stop being a pastor. Not one time did these close family members ever encourage us to keep going.
Mitch and I kept going though, and we kept trying to "win" them. It seemed that the more we talked to them about what we knew to be the call on our lives, the more they would ignore what was said.
We lived this way for about 2 years, and then it all blew up. Part of the "blow-up" was my fault. I did something that I never should have done, something done in anger, and hurt that can never be taken back. What had happened caused these family members to spin a lie, that affected us for over a year. Please know that I had asked for forgiveness for my actions, and forgiveness was verbally given, but the sin was not forgotten. It was held against us, and it caused these supposed loved ones to, in essence, be done with us.
This was one of the most painful things that I have ever had to go through! I had to watch as my husband's best friend and family member, turn from him, and walk away.
But God was faithful. In the beginning of this trial, the Lord sent me to Psalm 55. In this Psalm, David is pouring out his heart to God about King Saul, and the treachery of his friends. One of the lines of this song says, "........oh if I had wings to fly away like a dove to my rest......" and it totally described how I felt. But, God in His mercy had something else for me to see. Did you know that doves will not fight back when snared? If a net is thrown over them, they will not beat their wings, and try to escape as other birds do. They are very docile birds. This is what the Lord was showing me.......when a person rises up against me, I am to be docile, resting in the Father's hands. Because after all, it is God who was allowing this to happen, and even though I was "loosing" a close friend and loved one, God was not going to "loose" me!! I discovered that when I am in His hands, I truly am at rest.
Having people be against you is very hard. It is harder still, to have people whom you love and trust, turn on you.....because of ministry. During this time, I could not understand how anyone, let alone close Christian friends and family, could "ditch you" because you didn't listen to them.....because you chose instead, to listen to God.
We both learned valuable lessons, lessons that have kept us serving God in ministry, kept us from not giving up.
I learned that God was serious when He said,
“If anyone comes to Me and does not hate his father and mother, wife and children, brothers and sisters, yes, and his own life also, he cannot be My disciple. Luke 14:26
The word hate here, is a word referring to: Choice of feeling. It carries the meaning of, to love less than. What I learned through this time was that I am to never-ever choose people over God, even those that I truly care for. When the choice came to give up doing ministry or to give up these family members, the choice was clear, but nevertheless, very hard and painful.I wish that I could say that these relationships are restored, but I can not.
Another lesson that I learned was that I was to speak the truth at all times. In some of these relationships I became lax in this area. When I would be asked a question, or when I had an opportunity to encourage a friend out of sin, I didn't do so. I just assumed that they would go to God, hear from Him, and then change their behavior. Or, if they came to me with a criticism against Mitch, or against how he was doing ministry, I didn't say anything. I told myself that they had a right to their opinion.
Now, I am not talking about "sin sniffing." I am talking about when an opportunity came to share godly counsel, I didn't. I was too afraid that they wouldn't like me, or that they would be mad at me, or that they would leave the church, etc. I decided that I knew best, and that is never a good place to be. I have learned that God gives to us spiritual understanding and help, and He means for us to give it away. So often fear and insecurity keep us from sharing what He has given to us.
Over the course of our 9 years in Colorado, I had the opportunity again, to practice what I had learned, for you see, I had to go through this same scenario another 3 times!! I must say that I didn't handle them all well, but with the Lord, I was able to trust and let go. I know that God is fully capable and willing to restore me to these relationships, and I eagerly await the day when this happens, for the greatest blessing that God gave to me from going through these times, is the ability to forgive! I hold no bitterness or anger, only a desire to see lives changed, a desire for unity again. Not unity at the cost of truth, but true Christian unity that brings........peace.
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